There's a Shadow Hanging Over Me
by Disenchanted013
Summary: Jimmy reflects on how complicated life became when Johnny came to the city. AU


**A/N: This is just a little oneshot I thought would be interesting. It shows a little bit of Jimmy's past, and what happened in the city. Some of it is slightly out of character. AU Minor SLASH St. Jimmy's POV**

**Title: lyrics from Yesterday by The Beatles. I was on a little bit of a Beatles kick when I wrote this, heheh . . .**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do NOT own American Idiot**

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Everything was dark. I tried opening my eyes a few times, but a fierce, bright light blinded me, so I closed them again. I didn't know where I was. There's a steady, electronic beep coming from somewhere near me and the distant sound of voices from somewhere nearby. The last thing I remembered before getting here was sitting in the alleyway, slumped against the side of a building, the syringe sitting next to me after falling from my hand, and the world around me slowly fading. The last thing I heard was a terrified female voice calling my name. And then, everything . . . went . . . black . . .

* * *

I tried to remember how I got in this situation to begin with. I knew it started shortly after Whatsername came to stay with me in the city, not that I actually blamed her for any of this. I could never hate my little sister. I remember when she was born. When Mom was still in the hospital, friends and family would come and visit constantly, and everyone would ask the same thing: "What's her name?" I heard it so many times, that that's what I started calling her. Of course, I was only four at the time, so for all _I_ knew it _was_ her name. Her _real_ name is Abbey, like Abbey Road. (Our parents were obsessed with the Beatles. I'm lucky they didn't name me Ringo.) But I still called her Whatsername growing up. And when she moved here, everyone else started calling her that, too.

The first day she was in the city, she came and found me. "Hey, Saint," she said smiling. She had been the one to give me that nickname. She had a lot of troubles growing up, we both did, and I was there to help her through all of them. She said I was her "own personal saint."

Her coming to the city didn't directly cause my problems. I was happy to see her again. But then Johnny came, and things started to get more complicated. When he came to the city, he met Declan and Theo, who brought him straight to me. So I took him under my wing, showed him around the city. Then he met Whatsername. I was happy for them at first, although when he told me I felt a little hurt, which I tried to ignore. Eventually, though, I couldn't ignore it anymore. The feelings were too strong. Whatsername started to notice, even though no one else did. She was the only person I had ever told I was gay. She asked me if I felt anything for him, but I lied and told her no. She didn't believe me – she always knew when I was lying – but she didn't bring it up again. Eventually, I started to use my friendship with Johnny to try and break them up. I felt terrible for doing something so awful to my little sister, but it hurt too much to see them together.

One day, when Johnny and I were shooting up together, I did something stupid. I kissed him. Then, before I had time to say anything, he kissed me back. We both pulled back and stared at each other in silence for a few moments, then we both left hurriedly. We didn't say anything to each other the next day, and the day after that, he left my sister a note, saying he was leaving her. I had never seen her so upset and angry before. A couple days after that, Theo came and found me, saying that Johnny was looking for me. I met Johnny in the park overlooking the bay late that afternoon, ready to tell him to fuck off for hurting my sister like that, but before I could say anything, he kissed me. It felt so good to be in his arms, so _right_, but I pulled away. It took every bit of strength I had to tell him I couldn't be with him, and that he had to leave. When he finally left, I slumped against a tree and started to cry, something I rarely did.

A month went by, and I started to slowly die of a broken heart. But I never let it show, I had to be strong for my sister. She was hurting, too. And I couldn't say anything to the guys; I had an image to uphold. One day, after weeks of holding all the pain inside, I just couldn't take it anymore. I went out to an alley to shoot up. I didn't mean to OD at first. I just wanted a little break from the constant pain, but the idea became more and more tempting. And then, without fully realizing what I was doing, I gave myself another shot, then another, until things started to black out. The syringe fell from my hand and I slumped back against the wall behind me. My vision started to blur, and I couldn't see things clearly, but I could hear my sister's voice, frantic and terrified, yell out my name. I tried to answer her, but I couldn't. And then, everything . . . went . . . black . . .

* * *

I finally opened my eyes and took in my surroundings. I was lying in a hospital bed with an IV tube attached to my left arm. The steady beep I had been hearing was from the monitors by my bedside, the voices were patients, visitors, and doctors in the hallway. I looked to my right and saw my sister sitting in the chair beside my bed, tears in her eyes. She saw me awake and smiled.

"Jimmy, thank God," she said, pulling me into a hug. I gently rubbed her back and smiled softly. "I thought you weren't going to make it," she whispered, traces of fear still in her voice. "I looked for you everywhere. I asked all your friends – Theo, Chase, _everyone_. No one knew where you went. I was so scared, Jimmy. And then I saw you lying in that alley . . ." She shuddered. "Never do that to me again. Okay?"

"I won't," I told her. "I promise." She nodded and sat back down, still holding my hand.

"Jimmy," she started slowly. "He's here." I could tell by the way she said 'he' who she was talking about.

"He is?" I asked her. She nodded her head 'yes'. "How did he even find out I was here?"

"I don't know. One of the guys must have told him. He's out in the hallway right now. Do you . . . Do you want me to let him in?" I was silent for a moment, then told her to let him in. She got up and kissed my forehead. "I'll leave you two alone," she said, and opened the door, stepping out into the hallway. A second later he came to the door, not stepping in, just looking over at me. I smirked.

"Hey, Johnny Cakes."

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**A/N: I kind of like the idea as Jimmy and Whatsername as brother and sister . . .**

**Review and let me know what you think!**


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